The measurement of a man – examines and even asks the questions about these things that can help make a relationship grow, can stimulate conversations and can provide answers.
Topic ; My real number of sex partners.
Hello everyone it’s me,
Christopher Bruce here with all the facts,
Men and women lie about the number of sex partners they have actually had.
Both may believe they have good reasons to lie, but the fact remains that both sexes do it.
For example, one of my female clients told me that this question always comes up in her relationship at some point and she always feels conflicted about what to do, but in the end she always lies and it makes the man feel good. She is a 36 year old, single mother of one 15 year old child. She said that she always ends up saying “you can count the men I slept with on one hand, but I had lots of sex with them five”. For informational purposes I did ask her what the actual number was and she told me about 26 but also admitted that some she just does not remember. She said men love it when the number is quite low, she recalled one time years ago, she told a gentleman the truth that it was about 17 or so men and he freaked out on her, and was quite intimidated. So subsequently she always told the “on one hand” story when asked.
A male client 41 years old, told me that he had never expected to find a lover that he would want to be with for the rest of his life, and when he did, it was no way he could tell her how many women he had been with sexually. He told me that he had expected that the question would one day come up so what he did was add up the number of years starting at 16 to his present age of 41, which was 25, and then multiplied that 25 times 3 to come up with the “about” 75 or so women that he told his new love. He said she was quick to do the math and said to him, so wow, you had about 3 different women every year. She was satisfied with that. He told me that the actual number was easily 300, but its no way she could ever be told that.
So in both of these cases, each of them lied for the same basic reason, they both did not want the other person to feel like their past sexual experiences should be seen as too many. Both of them think its better for the relationship to lie and never let the other know the truth.
Now let me inform you of this maybe little known fact, both men and women lie about the number when it has been only 1 or 2 sexual partners they have had too. In these cases, even if less common, they want to have the partner NOT feel like they have such limited experience.
Others, quite accurately have said that they don’t know because they never thought to count, this was true for both men and women in the survey. This is quite normal and yet when men are asking a woman, the # 1 answer they are hoping for, is that the number she is going tell them will be low, so that it’s then easy for her to remember. That can be quite a hinderance to an honest relationship.
I have traveled to South America many times and in Rio de Janerio, Brazil, a place where the women on average are quite nice looking and where many are quite sexy and beautiful. It was on one of my visits that I spent time asking questions of the ladies on the beach in Copacabana, which partially surrounds the seaside city. I asked all about relationships. These ladies were the ones on the beach, so they were quite stunning and between the age of 18 – 44. When I reached the questions on sex it was really not much hesitation, until it got to the number of men they had been with sexually. It was on this question that many said less than 10, if they decided to answer at all.
When I was able to get know some of the ladies better, because I was visiting for lengths at a time, I used a group setting to help get at the truth. In a group of ladies that knew each other, they sometimes would try to at first lie, only to have the other ladies give them a laugh or a look that said “be for real” you know we know that number is higher. It was funny at times. Some of the more beautiful were having sex with different men daily. Yet in the end the findings were the same, men were more content if the number was low. The men were also more content if she told him he was the only one to hit her special spot with his skills. Now for some men visiting Brazil and meeting a beautiful sexy woman that desires them, a woman that also has only had a few sexual partners and one that you are the first one to truly “hit that spot”, you lose your mind. I witnessed one man that the police had to not only find, because his family feared he might have been killed or kidnapped because he stopped calling them, but they had to escort him with his luggage to the airport and put him on a plane home. He was so caught up into this lovely woman that he forgot about his practice (he was a doctor) and just wanted to be with her, the desire was so strong. He was to have been on only a long weekend trip and he was into his 7th week of being in Rio.
So having fully established that men and women lie about the number of sex partners, what now you ask? Well first of all what needs to be known is that people do it under the belief that it is helping the relationship. Yes it is a deception, but who is to say that a person’s insecurities may not end up tested to the point of maybe breaking up the otherwise good relationship.
So I say all of this to let everyone breathe a sigh of relief, sometimes it really is better to keep the truth from your mate. However I also say that if your beloved is a person that thrives on the truth, then you are much better off telling them the real deal.
Women do not want to be seen as a person sleeping around a lot. They want men to see them as a woman that has no problem waiting on the right person to come along. Men, if they find that someone, do not want it to seem that way either, they too do not want to just seem whoreish. At least not if they have found someone to have a serious relationship with.
I still believe that in most cases, the true number needs to be told, in doing so, you allow the other person the chance to face up to you from then to now. If by chance you end up in a situation where because of the truth, the relationship fails, you have to accept that. You then have to know that it will take a certain someone for you. That person is out there, he or she will be confident enough to deal with you and manage their own possible insecurities, for the building of a better relationship.
Thanks again for listening, this is ….
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