The Measurement of A Man
January 10, 2017
MEN – Here is the secret of “How to find your ideal woman”.
Hello again my friends. Yes, it can be done and all it takes is for a man to be willing to read and follow the steps I will outline right here.
I did a blog on “Why men need Mentor’s” and this was one of the questions that came up from a person that I was working with. Nathan was a very successful person that was earning a six figure income (well over $400,000 per year) and yet he was not satisfied in his personal life. He had been very capable in creating a product and making money, he was not so skillful in interpersonal relationships. Nathan was quite surprised after meeting me, because I said to him “sir you are not a success”. I further said “are you good at making money? Yes you are, but unless you have something greater than a pile of money stashed away, you are never going to feel successful”. It put him into deep thought. This kind of shock, when I tell a person they are not all that, even with plenty money, can run some of them from me. However it’s needed for me to quickly judge where they are at, from a mental state of mind.
Nathan had been referred to me, and in our initial interview over the phone, he indicated that he wanted a mentor because he felt that it would help him get to the next level financially. He wanted to reach his new goal of earning over 1 million per year. A good mentor can help you earn a lot more money than you may be currently making, but if you believe that is all a mentor is for, then you are wrong. A good mentor should make you better in many areas of your life, not just in your finances. They should be able recognize what you need as well as what you say you want. I center myself around relationship counseling more and more. I find this area to be particularly challenging and yet rewarding. It was the reason I took Nathan on as a client. He knew how to make money and save, he knew how to set a goal and reach it. His challenge was in building a great relationship. With reguards to his earnings, I was confident that I could increase that, once he was properly motivated. I also felt strongly that if his personal life was more suitable to his needs, that also would lead to further increases.
If you are the kind of person like Nathan (one that is driven), you will be attracted to a certain kind of woman. However for Nathan to have what he really needs, which is a long lasting and passionate relationship, he needs something more than what he had been thinking.
All human beings are driven by things. Our behavior no matter how it is – meets a need within us. Even if the behavior on the outside looking at it is painful, it is still fulfilling a need within. Let me give you an example. Some people in looking back over their past, can get very depressed. Maybe the person they really loved hurt them. They felt it then and they still feel it today, that pain. However to be depressed over that past, they have to focus on that and probably say things to themselves silently like, I was such a fool to trust him, I am still such a worthless fool. Then at some point, since they can’t stay depressed forever, they then switch to being pissed off at someone or something. Its a common pattern with a lot of depressed people. They go from depressed to pissed off then back to depressed and this cycle starts all over again. They actually use their anger to protect their depression (even if it is subconsiously).
Well to help them see it all clearly, the first thing I point out is this. When looking back (as they have done) I show them that they were being very selective – its not possible that only bad things happened from their past. So its now a matter of what they have chosen to focus looking back on. This kind of selective choice fills a need – that need to be depressed (yes painful as it is). It all becomes a uncomfortable crutch, but one that is hard to get rid of without seeing things differently. So I have them remember something really great from the past and get them to start remembering that beautiful thing, each time they look back. This will have them now think differently on things from the past, no longer the hurt, now its the pleasure. Then I reinforce this change by adding this; a new vision of the higher purpose for their life. With real effort, it brings about remarkable results.
Nathan was not depressed. So I told him to do these seemingly simple but actually very important things for me. I told him to find his ideal woman, I need him to do this;
- Make a list of everything you want in your ideal woman
- Be detailed and precise
- Make a list of everything you do NOT want as well
Then I had him review the list of wanted and unwanted items. Telling him the list will also give you the opportunity to examine WHY you want or do not want this or that. Then I had him to cut down the list to the top five things he really wanted and did not want, for a total of 10 things. Then we got to the good part. This is when you can really value a mentor helping you, because his next step was as follows. I had him;
- Ask himself – How do I attract that kind of woman to me ? Not how do I go looking for her !
- Ask himself – What do I have to change within ME to attract her ?
I told him to attract the ideal woman from your list of top ten items, you must do so by working on YOURSELF becoming that type of man that this ideal woman WOULD WANT.
We all need to understand what it is we want. Sometimes it sounds easier than it really may be. To have a clear understanding of our wants, we need to know a variety of things, here are the first two, I think.
- Why do you want it
- What is your expected outcome.
Why – tells us the purpose associated to your want.
Outcome expected – clarifies if you want to just be a friend or to really connect with this person (which will mean exposing plenty of your inner self to her). Its a huge difference.
When we began, Nathan wanted to get a mentor to increase his income to a desired level. What we discovered was that what he needed was an earnings boost for sure and also a deep passionate relationship. I was able to show him the 2 things are related and both are as important to his real success as the other. After seven months of work together, he started seeing real improvement. It took a little longer than he planned, but now a year and a half later, he has reached his financial milestone where his monthly income will take him into the full year’s earnings at $1 million plus, more importantly however he is very satisfied with his personal life. As he has said, its now that he is enjoying his success.
As always, I cannot within the few lines written on this subject, cover the full range of this complex topic. However, the real purpose is to stimulate conversation on this, with me at least opening the door of information, the next step is up to you.
Thanks again for listening
You can find me at www.themeasurementofaman.com
You can also email me questions you want answered at firstname.lastname@example.org