The measurement of a man – examines and even asks the questions about these things that can help make a relationship grow, can stimulate conversations and can provide answers to it all.
Topic ; Why little problems are used to hide big Problems
Christopher Bruce here,
I was at my son’s place in Florida, spending a little time with him and my granddaughter, enjoying myself. He decided to show me a movie that he knew I would like. Well it was actually very good, action filled, with also some romance. In the movie the star said something that struck me, he said to his lover that he was having a fight with at the time, why do you “use little problems – to hide bigger problems”. That stayed with me longer than me remembering the plot of the movie.
What the heck does that really mean ?
For people in relationships, it can mean a whole lot.
Please allow me time to provide an example and then explain.
A lady was complaining that she wanted to lose some weight. Now she looked to be normal weight and height, but it was what she said. She was not plump in any way. However she felt that she needed to lose weight anyway. After a talk, she noted that her weight fluctuates, so she is always dealing with it. Then in asking other things, one question started – a breakthrough.
The question was – what did your father think about you growing up as a child. She looked stunned by the question – but she answered, that – he always thought I was chubby and would tell me fat girls are not cute, nobody likes them. Then she started crying her heart out – the next statement made to her was – so he made you feel that you were never good enough ?
Yes – she cried out – tears flowing freely.
Then one more bomb was exploded – the next statement to her was – so now you have had trouble with all your relationships, because you are so worried about getting fat – which in your mind is ugly, that you spend all your time focusing on it, to the point where – the relationships never had a chance.
All she could do was cry and raise her hands to the sky.
Here she was, certain that she just had a weight issue – but in truth, her real problem was the unresolved issues she had with her dad. His constant berating of her about her weight, made her feel unlikable unless she was a skinny woman.
So you see now the thing I was getting at ? Some people use little problems, to hide bigger problems. Sometimes they don’t even know that a deeper issue is the real root to their suffering.
She thought she had a weight problem, but that was just the tip, hiding the bigger issue below the surface.
So when a married couple, for example, says that its not working out and the relationship is headed to the end. I say, ok, but before you call it quits, let me ask a few questions of you both and understand some things.
Then it gives both sides time to tell me what the other person’s “problem” is. After this is done, then I usually see past all that complaining stuff and work my way to the core issue.
You see, its not really about him “never taking out the garbage’ or being a “slob around the house”. Its never about how “she needs to lose some weight”. All of that still may be very true, yes he needs to clean up better around the house, yes she needs to get back to exercising. However the real issue is never just that at all.
Let me say this right here, when a man or woman comes home from a long day at work and is tired, when stress from the events of the day has a stay at home mom or dad worn down, it is very difficult for them to just get into clean up mode or want to exercise.
Donald Trump once said “he looks like a low energy guy”, to one of his rivals he wanted to mock. Well he had a valid point, no matter what you believe about his politics.
Low energy is a big problem in marriages and relationships in general. If you feel tired, you certainly don’t feel like doing more work at home. So you relax or maybe chill with the TV, the internet or a cold drink. You get my point ?
This problem of low energy can be solved however, just read below.
As I wrote earlier, its never about the complaints itself, that is a part yes, but the deeper truth is still needed. We root this out buy understanding people and the needs of each partner in a committed relationship like marriage.
All complaints are a cry for help. It is not direct, it is not clearly visualized or spoken, but it is. So the only thing left to do is to find “what is he or she really having issues with”.
Gentlemen the responsibility falls on you, it may seem unfair to you at first, but “man up”. This is what we are made for. We are the ones that go where nobody else dares. Men go first into the storm, we protect. Use that masculinity within you to lead the way. She will love you beyond your expectations.
To do this we must change some things, we must put “your woman first”, you must take the focus off of you and place her needs and wants first. Do this with courage, open up sir. Have her understand that no matter what, you intend everything to be for her good. Tell her you may get it wrong and mess up, but that your intentions were always for her good. Eliminate the blame game completely. Take full responsibility for her feelings. Yes when she is moody or bitchy even, take responsibility for helping her get out of that negative state of mind.
Every day, yes I said every darn day, hug her, don’t peck her on the cheek with good morning ever again. Make her feel you, feel your masculinity. Tell her you love her every day and at least 5 times. Not because she cares for the kids, not because she works and takes time to bake or clean either. Do this because she is your woman and you are the man.
Is it more to it than that you ask, yes it is, but start with that and see the change.
Solving low energy problems;
We were never made to be “low energy” type people. To change this we need to understand a few things about the makeup of our body. I will not get into it all, but suffice to say a lot of American’s suffer from imbalance. Our bodies are more acidic, so we utilize sugars badly, we retain fat, we also retain toxins, all of which does not allow the full flow of oxygen in our blood. So we are tired much easier than we should be.
To correct this we just need to get more alkaline in our system to balance all this darn acid. Then we can have better oxygen flow, better flushing of toxins and yes better energy.
Give you a quick analogy – a battery uses acid but, as most commercials on TV tell you, an alkaline battery is better. It is because it has a better balance with the acid and alkaline.
Now, please note here, I have a much more detailed and in depth approach to all of this, but for time and space I will just add a few more lines.
Your PH, the balance between Acid and Alkaline can be tested easily everyday with a PH strip you pee onto. This will show you exactly what I am telling you.
Now to add more alkaline, you eat more green leafy products, you drink coconut water, you put lemon in your water and drink it. It’s way more detailed, but its a great starting point for now. By doing these things, you will increase your oxygen rich blood flow and thereby increase your energy.
So I hope by now we have helped in 2 major areas for your better marriage.
- Putting your wife’s needs first – for dramatic change in her
- Solving low energy – which is for both husband and wife, so you don’t come home tired and can enjoy other things and even cleaning up or exercising
Women you have work and responsibilities too. So the bible says “honor your husband”, even if you have a different religious belief, that is an important statement none the less. Wives need to find ways to do the same “putting his needs first theme” into their heads. You women must be able to give to him or to want to do things because he likes or needs them. Without this balance, you will end up alone, even if your husband never actually leaves you, he wont be there emotionally.
Thanks again for listening, this is ….
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