The title is about how many people see success in a man. They see money and nice things from cars to beautiful women as the measurement of having it all. Well, as a person who has had some things go my way with money and such – let me tell you – ITS NOT
Topic ; Letting go of always being “right”
Hello again my friends
Do you or someone you know, always have to be right ?
Is your relationship in trouble because one of you has to be right all the time ?
Or do you think they are they just being critical of you ?
Well when you criticize someone, you are also operating on the assumption that you are right, so if this is done in excess, it can mean that you think you are right quite often. This point of view (I am right all the time) then to me – doesn’t just find a fault in someone else – it also serves to prop up your own ego.
So, if the person believes they are always right, they also feel better about themselves, because it has an effect of building ones self esteem.
For some people their ego, the building of self esteem, is one of the most critical parts of their everyday life and existence. We all have ego, so its by no means a bad thing, its when we go to the point of having to knock someone else down for us to feel up, that it becomes a real issue. Some people for one reason or the next – do not even realize its their ego that is driving them. They see it as merely – setting the other person straight or something to that effect.
An example of this is was brought to my attention when a client of mine Janis asked me for some help. I asked her to tell me what she was having difficulty with and after she explained everything, I took pieces of her issues she mentioned, repeated it back to her and suggested a solution – to which she said “yeah I know that”. Each time and for every area, her answer was always “I know that”. She was having trouble with her present relationship, but we found out some of the problem was from not letting go of the past hurts, but in telling this, her answer was “I know that”. Well after I let her tell me “I know that” about 8 times, I asked her, well if you know it, why are you not DOING something about it. I explained to her knowing it and not doing something about it is quite different. She was just into replaying the same music over and over, the ”I know it” song. What I mean by that is, we can replay something over and over in our head until we believe it to be gospel from above, when it is really not so.
I told Janis, you may have read every book on “kung fu” and know it in your head very well, but unless you have practiced it, unless you have actually tried some kicks and experienced taking some hits, you will never realize what its really like. I use metaphors to try and have a person visualize what I am talking about sometimes.
Janis is into being right all the time, so she keeps repeating, she knows, she knows, but because she is not DOING, because she has not actually let go of the past hurts, she is losing her current relationship too. When this happens, she will say “see it, they are all alike” and start playing 2 songs in her head over and over. The first song will be “I know it” the second will be “they are all alike”.
Unless Janis changes her mindset, she will suffer a lot of unnecessary pain, and each pain will end up reinforcing her BELIEF that she is right. Janis may never get to a point where she can see that she has helped create these pains. Please understand, her pains were real from the past, and because she carries them forward into the present, the pain is recreated and real in her head all over again.
Now let me tell you, some people will say “I am just very practical” or “I am very pragmatic” or whatever, but here is my truth to say to them – when it comes to relationships of the heart, you can toss logic aside, the heart is fluid. It moves. We all have hidden pains and fears, and that messes with logic every time.
So – its time to let go of always being right.
By letting go, we allow others to speak up and hopefully we will listen to their point of view. It has been said “God gave us one mouth and 2 ears” because he wants us to listen twice as much as we speak.
I myself have to be careful, I have been blessed with being able to help some people with problems both big and small, but I too have to listen. I have learned so much over the years from people that came to me for help or advice. It has been very humbling. I have learned a lot when I choose to first LISTEN.
I never just give up on people, however some are just not ready YET to open up themselves. I have had to learn to let them go and wait for them and GOD to reveal what is necessary. I do not know it all. I tell people this all the time. I try to stimulate conversations on things, so that I can learn as well as provide my insight.
When all of us, stop trying to be right and try to love and understand – when we put a persons feelings in front of our need to be right, its then that we start to enjoy a better friendship or relationship.
What good is being right all the time if we are all alone ? What good is it, if we have no one to share things with.
Thanks again for listening, this is ….
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